Mediterranean Triscuits and the Boredom of Modern Discourse

"I don't know if I like it or not," my cousin said after trying a Mediterranean Olive Oil Triscuit. I love this statement. It always rings my Pavlovian bell. Familiar, pleasing flavors are arranged so savorlessly that the taster is shocked into doubt. "I don't know," really means, "I don't like it enough to say I like it." It is flavor without punch, harmony without a melody—rarely does it succeed alone. As a preeminent authority on flavor and opinions, I want to share my findings about the flavorless nature of how I and others discuss stuff today.

Perhaps it's always been this way, but I see so much contradiction that occurs on social media. I know, big surprise. The loudest critics police others' appropriate conduct, and violations are called bigoted, misogynistic, idiotic, misinformed, etc. If opinions were bowling balls, these people are the lane bumpers. They hammer out all mistakes until the ball lurches through a random path to gently push a couple pins over.

Kind of like Mediterranean Olive Oil Triscuits, any memorable flavor is so thoroughly patted off through redirection that, by the end, you don't know if you like it or not. It's kind of like this Monty Python sketch.

Today's young people are as intolerant as any group in history, argues Conor Friedersdorf in The Atlantic's, "The New Intolerance of Student Activism." The difference? They're now most intolerant of intolerance itself. At first glance, it doesn't raise any red flags. Bigotry sucks, and it takes a level of courage to tell someone they can do better. But who decides what is tolerable? 

Neoliberalism claims that if society just knew better, people wouldn't do evil. It is the latest iteration of Socrates' idea that "all evil is done unwittingly." Unfortunately, this still leaves a big question mark behind: what is evil?

Neitzsche (love trying to type that) in Beyond Good and Evil, mocks that, "The evil man would not [be evil]...if he knew that evil is evil. [He] is only evil through error; if one free him from error one will necessarily make him—good."

Right now, someone is out there demanding better education that will protect society from its own worst impulses. Safety, a favorite tagline of racketeers and governments since time immemorial. 

Protective benevolence, as Friedersdorf says, "allows individuals to limit the rights of political opponents, so long as they frame their intolerance in terms of protecting others from hate” [Student Activism]. Intolerance is masked in nonspecific terms like "better" (now even better flavor!).

Raise your hand if you've unfriended/been unfriended by someone whose opinion sucks. Assuming the meaning of someone else's words is no doubt accelerated by the Byronic impatience of text messaging and its social media progeny. "Had I said what he said, I would have meant it negatively, so I'm sure they do too." 

Being wrong is no worse than being right. Behold the sucky image below.

"You're wrong, but we're all wrong, all the time." Like Mediterranean Olive Oil Triscuits, this timid approach has no guts. It defeats its own purpose before it can gain momentum, diluting to nothingness any originality in order to first pity, then champion the opinions of others, resulting in a boring bunch of zero-sum naysayers.

An alleged Yugoslavian proverb says, "tell the truth, then run." To contend with others' ideas shouldn't mean kneecapping your own personality. Don't lament yourself into catatonia. Don't cut all ties with moral dissenters (however tempting), and don't stop being yourself because someone stretched their definition of harmful to include you. 

There are so many politically correct assholes out there that will happily dust off all traces of your unique flavor by insisting you "acknowledge" that you're wrong when you're not. Don't be a boring Mediterranean Olive Oil Triscuit. We need your strong flavor. Be the Cracked Pepper & Olive Oil Triscuit.